constantly checking if im alright.
i was totally kept busy the whole of tonight
not doing homework
but cause i was caught in a serious dilemma and i was in such confused state.
and so, i dint reply eveyone who were online,
and also those who were msging me.
so here i am,replying to all your question as to how i am okay.
like i said, today was a emo day for me.
i burst out crying many a times.
not cause i couldnt accept his death.
but maybe simply cause i really miss him.
and not to mention all the other problems which adds on to it.
which of course seems minor as compared to the sadness i have towards his death.
but nevertheless, no doubt everything is piling up.
however, i know i'll always have the support of all my friends around me.
and i am ever so thankful for it all.
all your encouragements and comfort.
i know i never really reply some of your concern messages.
but dont worry, i know you truely care and worried.
i know my post a few days ago was super encouraging cause it seemed as though i've accepted it.
i guess my current state got mathea disappointed.
she totally reprimanded me just now over the phone lah!
LOL
but its alright.
i know she meants well.
when i came home,
first thing i did was to flip to the mortuary page and saw his photo there.
and i teared again.
cause such a charming face, such sweet smile.
(i have to admit they have seriously chosen handsome photos of him for the mortuary and at his wake.)
and yet, i'll never get to see it in real life ever again.
"...died peacefully on 1st may 2010..."
i never would have imagined that 2010 would be a year that i lose a friend.
one of the same age as me.
i looked around at other deceases.
they were all elderly.
my dear friend,he's seriously too young to appear on that page.
but nevertheless, i kept this page of the newspaper.
calmed down and went for dinner with my parents,
guess they were rather worried.
cause i spoke not a single word and at the side of my eyes,
i could see them observing me very concernly.
but doesnt dare to speak cause they clearly know whats wrong.
towards the end of my dinner, i got a message from my badminton teacher.
"tiffany isnt playing in your place for adiv game tmr. are you playing?"
and once again, i was caught inbetween a decision that i thought i managed to avoid.
then i finally spoke and seeked opinions of my parents.
their stand was that i had to fulfil my responsibility.
but yet, i know i wanna send off my dear triplet for the very last time.
came home,
i seeked opinion from bryan hew, mathea, shixun.
they all gave me different points of views,
WHICH ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
and no doubt, i was all the more caught in a dilemma.
while on the phone with sx, it suddenly striked me an idea.
to play 1st doubles, then rush down to chua chu kang,
yes.its at opposite parts of singapore=/
so i finally got a plausible idea and decided to call mr foo.
that was like 11pm?
and woah i tell you, apart from that incident,
that mr foo brought up so many other issues and his long long theories and stories,
all the way till 1245am!
goodness gracious.
now for all those who were msging and msn-ing me.
you know why i ignored you.
it aint my fault.
mr foo was bugging me.
ok kidding,
but through our conversation,
he said certain things that were touching but yet made me feel super guilty of.
but no doubt,
i do feel slightly better now,
after talking about serious stuffs in badminton and not thinking about unhappy issues.
so yes, for now,
I AM FINE.
but when i came back online,
derrick gave me a super long conver to encourage me.
thanks derrick.:)
i am seriously feeling better.
no you dont suck at comforting others.(:
and to shaun,SR, barry,zan,joanna,mathea,shixun and liyan,
who were expressing their concern and showing me their support,
waiting for my reply,
which i didnt!=/
opps.
sorry to keep you guys worried.
i am alright now and my above lengthy words would explain all the ques u had.
SR and taisoon has a really cute way of showing their support for me.
but promising that they wont bully me for 1 week.
awesome ehh!:)
anways,
so i have decided.
i know he would want me to be playing and giving my best shot at tournament.
and i will play it for him, be it win or lose.
i will rush down as soon as possible,
my dad has been real supportive.
its his birthday but i wont even get a chance to celebrate it with him
thats another concern i have.
he'll be flying off to china at 5.30
but i'll only be done at 5.
i guess i wont be able to celebrate for him
im a terrible daughter.
its just that.
there's just so many things going on
that i seriously dont know how to handle well.
goodness.
its 1.30 am.
I NEED TO GO WISH MY DAD HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW!:)
yes i know, its suppose to be happy day for my dad,
but yet not happy one for my triplet
so im also confused as to how im suppose to be feeling!=(
i dint have the time nor right mood to prepare anything for my dad either =/
i'm leaving everything to fate.
as to whether i will be able to rush there in time for his burial.
zx, please see that i will be able to be there with you to send you off your last route here k.
must wait for me!=)
my life's in utter mess.
where to start now.
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